List of Posts by Sikowitz
This is the page with a list of Sikowitz's TheSlap posts. Posts *'Sikowitz: '''I am on TheSlap.com. Now what do I do? ... and where did I put my coconut? *'Sikowitz: As you know, school has now begun, but I, Erwin Sikowitz, have yet to return to Hollywood Arts. And that's because my list of demands (which I sent to the school administration months ago) has yet to be met. My Demands # Coconut vending machine MUST be added to the Asphalt Cafe so that I can get my daily serving of coconut milk. #My mother MUST be banned from the Hollywood Arts premises. Every time she comes to visit, she hurts my feelings. #A pay raise would be nice. Tie-dyed clothig is back in style and becomming rather pricey. #A new PearTV MUST be installed in my classroom so I can play my acting reel on a continuous loop -- for educational purposes, of course. #Have security stop searching my satchel every morning. What's inside a man's satchel should be private. Once all of the above have been completed to my satisfaction I will return to my positon teaching the dramatic arts -- or until my mortgage is due whichever comes first. *'Sikowitz: '''Hello students, I'm teaching again. None of my demands were met, but my mom said she'd cut me from the will if I didn't go back to work. *'Sikowitz: 'Do you know if masseuses offer teacher's discounts? I have a lot of stress to be relieved! *'Sikowitz: 'I dropped my harmonica in the men's room toilet. **'André: 'Sorry man. I know a place where you can get another one. **'Sikowitz: 'Why would I get another one? **'André: 'Cuz your old one fell in a toilet. **'Sikowitz: 'And your point is? *'Sikowitz: 'Ping to the Pong! Isn't that what the kids are saying these days? **'Jade: 'No one says that. *'Sikowitz: 'Everyone wants to know what my homemade sausage is made out of. Hilarious, I know. *'Sikowitz: 'Still recovering from reggae night on Sunday. What'd I miss? **'Beck: 'About 2 1/2 days of school. **'Sikowitz: 'No, I meant important stuff. *'Sikowitz: 'Do they make special sun screen for the top-of-your-head skin? *'Sikowitz: 'Trick or Treat? I pick trick. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *'Sikowitz: Can't stop playing that Ditch the Fish game. It's starting to affect my job, my relationships, my life. Help. *'Sikowitz: '''I'm running a marathon next week in Long Beach. Guess I better start practicing. *'Sikowitz: I make my own cranberry souce. Interesting thing though, it contains no actual cranberry. *'''Sikowitz: Step right up and get a little bit of Sikowitz! *'Sikowitz: '''Acting is like fishing. Only there is no fish. *'Sikowitz: Later on, we'll perspire as we sit by the fire... **'André: '''You know those AREN'T the real lyrics right? **'Sikowitz: 'Yes, but sweating is funny. *'Sikowitz: 'Happy Easter, Everyone! **'André: 'Dude, Easter's not for like another 3 months or something. Tell me you're kidding... **'Sikowitz: 'Wait, what month are we in? *'Sikowitz: 'Where did the time go? I can't believe it's 2012 already! **'Rex: 'Man, and you're responsible for my education?? *'Sikowitz: 'Man, 2011 is dragging. The 70s happend so fast they're still just a blur in my memory. *'Sikowitz: 'Ahh, I love Sundays! **'Beck: 'You know today's not Sunday right? It's Friday. **'Sikowitz: 'Ah, Good Ghandi! How many classes have I missed so far? **'Beck: '4 *'Sikowitz: 'Just bought diet SOAP. Anyone know how I use it? Eat it? *'Sikowitz: 'Do you think it's odd that a 34 year old man lives with his mom? Just asking cuz my friend does. Not me. *'Sikowitz: 'Get this one -- Had jury duty. Judge made me put on shoes! I objected! He didn't care. *'Sikowitz: 'A woman told me I have "mad scientist eyebrows". Is that a good thing? *'Sikowitz: 'I don't remember if I showered this morning. I don't stink, do I? **'Jade: 'Do you remember if you showered yesterday? Cuz you smell the same as you did then. *'Sikowitz: 'I wish they'd invent something that keeps your feet clean while walking around barefoot. **'Jade: 'It's called SHOES! Get some! *'Sikowitz: 'Took my mom to Vegas last weekend. She had a great time. So great in fact that she's never allowed back. *'Sikowitz: 'I waited in line 9 hours for a new PearPad... It turns out it's some sort of computer. **'Robbie: 'Why did you wait in line for it if you didn't know what it was? **'Sikowitz: 'Don't know. Just curious I guess. *'Sikowitz: 'I'm getting ready for the big Sikowitz Sleepover. Teenagers like industrial sized bottles of mayonaise, right? *'Robbie: 'We sure do! *'Rex: 'He does not speak for all of us. *'Sikowitz: 'I make my own toothpaste. It doesn't clean very well and it tastes like mud, but it's super cheap. Anyone wanna try some? *'Sikowitz: 'Teaching teenagers is like herding cats. Except the cats are over 5 feet tall, can talk, and own cell phones. Okay, That's a bad analogy. *'Sikowitz: For some reason, the audience didn't really buy me as a female steamboat captain. It must be the beard. Not a good look for a lady. *'Sikowitz: '''My favorite class to teach is improv. My least favorite is criminal justice. Why do we even have that class? **'André: We don't. **'Sikowitz: '''Then why am I in court right now? *'Sikowitz: 'Bought stuck in coconut milk cuz an expert told me it's gonna be huge! Not sure why this "expert" was washing my windshield at a gas statioin. *'Sikowitz: I'm currently hanging out with a strange man in a hot tub… this party sure turned out differently than I expected. *'Sikowitz:' Just bought a foot-odor-scented air freshener for my van. Now, if anyone says my van stinks, I'll blame the air freshener! *'Sikowitz:' Spray on hair DOES NOT work. I can't believe hair in a can let me down! *'Sikowitz: '''It's summer and I have waaaaaaaay too much free time. I need to do something productive ... any suggestions? **'Tori: You could show up to teach your summer school class. I've been waiting here for 41 minutes! *'Sikowitz: '''Those little crackers shaped like fish are very realistic. *'Sikowitz: 'My very confused aunt keeps sending me Christmas Cards. I would say something to her, but all th cards have $20 in them. Score! *'Sikowitz: Did anyone else see that cloud in the sky that looked like a baby giraffe riding an adult elephant?? *'Sikowitz:' I had a nightmare last night that there was a kid in my class who had a puppet. How insane is that?!? *'Sikowitz:' Man being famous must make you weird. This movie star at the gas station kept asking me to wash his windshield. *'Sikowitz:' Looking through some old family photos. Man... I was one ugly kid. *'Sikowitz: '''I would like to know why I've never been chosen for Teacher of the Year. On a side note, I just realized I'm 3 hours late to school. Yikes! *'Sikowitz: Did you know that some high schools teach science, math, and P.E.? What's up with that? #iLuvHollywoodArts *'''Sikowitz: The police kicked in my front door this morning cuz they had the wrong address. They didn't fix it, but they did write me a very nice apology note. *'Sikowitz: '''You kids are so spoiled with your tiny laptops and cell phones. In my day, we had slightly larger laptops and cell phones. *'Jade:' When exactly WAS your day? *'Sikowitz:' You know, I'm not really sure. *'Sikowitz:' I'm only teaching at Hollywood Arts until my agent gets me an acting gig. It's been 10 years. I wonder what's taking him so long! *'Sikowitz:' My mom gave me a $5 gift certificate to the Olive Bargain! I bet I can the get never-ending bowl of NOTHING with that! *'Sikowitz:' My mom forgot to pack my lunch today. Anyone got $5 I can borrow for the Grub Truck? *'Sikowitz: I'm off to a parade in a giant cupcake with 7 children and a puppet. Good gravy! My life's a fairy tale! *'Sikowitz: '''I switched banks cuz the new one gives out lollipops. Turns out though, they charge you 12 dollars per pop. *'Sikowitz:'Wait, it's Halloween already? What happened to Easter? Did I miss it? *'Sikowitz: I wish Hollywood Arts would stop scheduling classes during my nap time. I'm not a good teacher when I'm tired. *'Rex:' Man you must be tired a lot. *'Sikowitz:' Thinking about getting a second job as a mall Santa cuz 1) The hat will cover my baldness. 2) I can eat whatever I want. *'''Sikowitz: '''I can say "coconut" in 13 different languages. You might say that's pointless. Well, if we're ever in Malaysia, I won't share my "kelapa" with you. Category:TheSlap.com Category:Quotes Category:TheSlap.com Segments Category:Websites Category:Hollywood Arts Staff